Take Your Own Advice

Unknowingly, we all project our own failings on others.

Salacious Bible-belt preachers believe their congregations are depraved. Clueless teachers think students always need to be told what to do. In business, people who rely entirely on gut instinct insist that colleagues need to plan.

These preachers, teachers, and others set out to make the world a better place to live by helping to correct the deficiencies of its citizens. Maybe they are right in believing their audience and peers are as sinful, ignorant, and disorganized as they. On the other hand, maybe they've got it wrong.

Even when they're correct, the proselytizers miss the mark because they are in denial. Take Jimmy Swaggart. (Please.) Rather than admit to himself that visiting sleazy motels to masturbate while watching women of dubious morals strip was aberrant, Jimmy convinced himself that all of us are sexual sinners. It's bigger than any of us. We're all helpless. And if Jimmy is successful in convincing us that we're helpless, he will have made us so.

When the do-gooders are incorrect… It's like the old joke about the two behavioral psychologists who meet on the street. "You're fine, how am I?"

We're not aware that we project our problems onto others. We fail to see how self image and identity impact our assessment of others just as the fish is unaware of water.

To peel back a few of the protective filters imposed by our identities, we can look in the mirror. The advice we give to others is really advice for ourselves. To find out what you really think you should be doing professionally, ask, "What should my colleagues be doing?" To assess your customer service, ask, "What should my competitors be doing better?" To check your sanity, ask, "Are all these people around me crazy?"

Of course, this doesn't always work. You can advise a friend to stop smoking even though you don't smoke. On the other hand, you might be telling yourself to take more control of your life.